Length: 02:19
Rating: ★☆☆☆☆
Logline: A wannabe screenwriter struggling with writers block has delusions about what it takes to write a good story.
To put this film into perspective, it is an entry to the Virgin Media Shorts competition. Some people think it's better to submit something shit than nothing at all. I've awarded half a star for effort though I'm not a hundred percent sure I should be encouraging that sort of behaviour. I can only gather that this piece didn't get very far as it fails in many ways.
We have a writer, played by the writer/director himself, who seems to know all the elements that makes a good script - originality, inventiveness etc. (though romantic definitely shouldn't be on the list) and yet after daydreaming about a romantic walk with a girl, where nothing much happens, he drones endless description and the pair reel off cliched sweet nothings to each other, he confidently believes this would transfer into a fabulous script. Any competent screenwriter will scoff at the scene description which Potter narrates to us. "I smile and gesture for us to move on", (he doesn't by the way) "the wind brushes through her hair" (no it doesn't), "she's the one" (the on screen chemistry between Potter and Felicity Murray is laughable).
There is at least a fair attempt at structure with the bookending scenes. Unfortunately, the middle part lacks satisfactory plot development, advancing stakes, conflict, interesting dialogue, likeable characters or any of the other elements that would keep an audience interested. There are a couple of nice cut away shots of scenery, and audio and camera work is acceptable too. The other half of that star goes to the piano soundtrack which is the only other half decent thing there is to discuss.
We have a writer, played by the writer/director himself, who seems to know all the elements that makes a good script - originality, inventiveness etc. (though romantic definitely shouldn't be on the list) and yet after daydreaming about a romantic walk with a girl, where nothing much happens, he drones endless description and the pair reel off cliched sweet nothings to each other, he confidently believes this would transfer into a fabulous script. Any competent screenwriter will scoff at the scene description which Potter narrates to us. "I smile and gesture for us to move on", (he doesn't by the way) "the wind brushes through her hair" (no it doesn't), "she's the one" (the on screen chemistry between Potter and Felicity Murray is laughable).
There is at least a fair attempt at structure with the bookending scenes. Unfortunately, the middle part lacks satisfactory plot development, advancing stakes, conflict, interesting dialogue, likeable characters or any of the other elements that would keep an audience interested. There are a couple of nice cut away shots of scenery, and audio and camera work is acceptable too. The other half of that star goes to the piano soundtrack which is the only other half decent thing there is to discuss.
Best Bit: Probably the thin tinny soundtrack.
Worst Bit: "Man I'm good." You're not. You're really, really not.
Final thought: Yes, the motorway is a choice place to take your girlfriend for a romantic walk, isn't it.
Final thought: Yes, the motorway is a choice place to take your girlfriend for a romantic walk, isn't it.
Read a condensed review of this film on Twitter here.
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