Steve The Christmas Freak ★★☆☆☆

Review of 'Steve The Christmas Freak' which can be found here on Vimeo.  

Length: 03:58

Written & directed by Nick Poole. 

Genre: Comedy

Date: 2011
Rating: ★★☆☆☆

Logline: A Christmas obsessed nutter keeps trying to celebrate the festivities much to the annoyance of his flatmate. 

Writer/Director Poole takes on the lead role here but instead of demonstrating his acting abilities, he possibly just be comes across as deranged. Submitted to the CIFA Xmas Shorts Competition, this is a festive story with a twist. Comedy is purely objective of course, but this verges more on the side of being disturbing than funny. (At the same time, it is very laugh out loud) 

Bad lighting makes a lot of the visuals difficult to see so this doesn't get off to a very good start. That's eventually resolved when the annoyed flatmate, Tom McCarthy, turns the light on in the living room. The plot is bizarre and surreal making me think this was probably just thought up during a heavy night of drinking. Poole's character is creepy enough but with plot holes a plenty, it's unclear what this character is actually trying to do. It's all about the punchline here but the daft ending doesn't satisfy. 

Best Bit: McCarthy's contempt for irritating Poole.  

Worst Bit: The wagging tongue. Make it stop!

Final thought: I can only hope no one ever paid good money to watch this. REFUND!

Read a condensed review of this film on Twitter here.

Sync ★★☆☆☆

Review of 'Sync' which can be found here on YouTube.

Length: 04:03

Written & directed by Chris Ashton 

Genre: Music Video

Date: 2011
Rating: ★★☆☆☆

Logline: Music video for Johnny And The Giros track 'Sync'

There's not much in the way of narrative in this film and it's more or less a traditional music video, which is completely made up of the band performing their song. (In a small room with the odd shot of a woman waving about in front of a light) Four minutes is a long time to watch when the only other visual variation comes from some coloured strobe lighting. The visuals do at least kind of mimic the mixed style of the music, which is part dance track and part indie track. 

Lighting is done well and it's a nice crack at constructing an atmospheric setting. There's plenty of different camera shots and the edit keeps good pace although you can tell that even the editor gets bored half way through as it's just the same thing over, and over, and over again. (No wait, there's a wee bit where the band stand in the dark in black and white)

Am not sure whether the camera quality isn't up to scratch or whether the video upload may not be the best grade. Probably the camera, as when it moves about really quickly, the slow shutter speed creates picture distortion. Overall, the uninteresting visuals aren't complimenting the up tempo track and the repetitive nature of the shots makes for quite monotonous viewing.  

Best Bit: Nice music track.

Worst Bit: Repetitive imagery gets boring after a while. 

Final thought: Ironically, it sometimes looks like lips are out of sync. 

Read a condensed review of this film on Twitter here.

Trust No One ★★☆☆☆

Review of 'Trust No One' which can be found here on YouTube. 

Length: 06:10

Written by Christelle A & directed by Jermaine Toublez.

Genre: Drama

Date: 2012
Rating: ★★☆☆☆

Logline: Some bad gangster shit goes down between two teenage girls.

The bad audio on this will leave you wondering what the heck's going on in this urban tale of gun crime, sitting in parks and talking about fashion. That and the fast talking street dialogue which is also hard to pick up, even if you watch it a few times. Having bad picture quality is more forgivable than bad sound so don't underestimate the importance of good audio in a short. We all take it for granted but when it's poor, it can ruin a production and alienate the audience significantly. 

The plot is also lacking in this as well. Two girls hang out in a park then for some unknown reason, they fall out and one of them decides that shooting her is clearly the best way to teach her a lesson. Too much time is wasted on idle chit chat between characters which isn't advancing the plot, no matter how naturalistic it is. Christelle "Chrissy" and Lauren S play the warring teens and at least look comfortable in front of the camera even though this is fairly amateur.  The chase scene is good with a nice laugh out loud easy disarming of a gun incident too. (Yeah, put the gun in her dead hands, it'll really look like she's shot herself in the back, lol)

Adding in a good soundtrack does pick this up a little and seems to add some richness. The gun shot effects are well done and in general, the camera work is acceptable with nice colour depth. But with the plot having little in the way of arc or satisfying conclusion, this is left feeling too made up on the spot for me.

Best Bit: The behind the scenes outtakes.  

Worst Bit: Bad sound.

Final thought: I like Troubles website. It has many photos of him.

Read a condensed review of this film on Twitter here.

The Boozy Ballad Of Black Eye And Headbutt ★★☆☆☆

Review of 'The Boozy Ballad Of Black Eye And Headbutt' which can be found here on YouTube. 

Length: 04:26

Written & directed by Greg Elliot.

Genre: Comedy

Date: 2013
Rating: ★★☆☆☆

Logline: A Weegie hard nut bragging about how tough he is has one pint too many and reveals he's really a fraud. 

This is poor on almost every single level. Bad script, shoddy editing, awful acting as well as bad lighting, careless camera work and has tons of continuity errors throughout. Actually, the sound recording is okay and there's at least been some attempt at style with the black and white flashback sequence and graphics insert. And the adequate music track goes a long way to distract audiences from the lacking production. 

Derek Darvell playing Tam "Black eye" O'neal is appalling, staggers lines, makes eye contact with the camera and is a bit like a Glaswegian Forrest Gump. Paul Donnelly is the only thing that stops this from claiming a one-star rating with a semi-descent naturalistic performance but his lips moving to Darvell's lines shows his probable frustration at his hopeless co-worker. 

The trouble with filming in a public place is the countless looks and glances from ordinary people in the background. Although saying that, even the extras at the other tables can't muster the control to hide their smirks and laughter at the main performances. Acting aside, even if this had Oscar winning actors, the story and dialogue just isn't up to scratch. Though the thick Scottish accents give this good character, the plot lacks a good hood or any strong story beats.  

Best Bit: Sound recording.

Worst Bit: Erm, the rest of it. 

Final thought: Look out for vanishing old ladies. 

Read a condensed review of this film on Twitter here.

Monday Morning (1) ★★☆☆☆

Review of 'Monday Morning' which can be found here at MiShorts. 

Length: 03:03

Written & directed by Martyn Holmes

Genre: Romance

Date: 2011
Rating: ★★☆☆☆

Logline: A modern day fairytale where a wandering man becomes one woman's knight in shining armour. 

Without much knowledge on this piece, we have a series of varied stylistic shots depicting the story of a single man's chance encounter with a young woman in dire need of help both of which later bond after he has rescued her from two thugs in an alleyway. Over which, there is poetic text superimposed, adding a new contextual layer, while a Chopin piano piece plays throughout. 

It looks like this had good intentions but my main problem was where the audience is supposed to be looking. The text, which is in a terrible and not altogether clear font, distracts from the on screen action underneath. Another way it ruins the film is that each word is spelt out in a typewriter effect causing the viewers eye to linger on the text unnecessarily while waiting for each sentence to be written. 

There is a nice selection of camera compositions, all handheld, slowed down to give a surrealist feel and help show passage of time. Mixed in are some black and white sequences which weren't of much interest and clearly just space fillers between scenes. 

Starring two randoms, Sandy and Sonny, who do fine and look naturalistic-ish but do little to generate much entertainment, as does the rest of the film. This falls close to being experimental as I'm not sure which other audience would go for this sort of short. Again, it might have attempted at some depth but think the production side of it has let it down.

Best Bit: Classical track.

Worst Bit: Text over images. 

Final thought: Um, voiceover perhaps?

Read a condensed review of this film on Twitter here.

15th February ★★☆☆☆

Review of '15th February' which can be found here on YouTube.

Length: 06:40

Written by Peter Reading. Directed by Tim Webb

Genre: Animation

Date: 1995

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

Logline: A visual representation of a Peter Reading poem.

This starts off with filmed footage but with a stop motion effect which has a nice quality about it before dipping into hand drawn animation then into montage. But it doesn't take long for the fairly repetitious content to become highly uninteresting after a while. It seems like half the length of this short is used up developing set up. Narration, by Peter Reading comes in at midpoint and so the film already runs a high risk of audience tune out before anything interesting happens. Okay, so it's based on a Reading poem (never a great start for a film) and tries to build upon that deliberate staggering verbal repetition, and I guess it works in that way but for me, it's not a good translation onto screen. 

The pace builds in the third act where the narration and edit become manic. It ends up in a bitter tone which is at least evoking some other emotion rather than boredom. The plot seems to follow some habitual smoker (for whatever reason) sending a valentines card then being rebuffed and taking it quite hard. That makes it sound more interesting than it actually is. Readings reading of the poem is quite emotionally engaging but the film doesn't quite do it justice. Looks like a ramshackle animation to me which lacks substance and originality. 

Best Bit: The end titles. 

Worst Bit: Sound of licking envelops. 

Final thought: Yes, it is quite old isn't it. 

Read a condensed review of this film on Twitter here.

The Persistent Resistance Of Vision ★★☆☆☆

Review of 'The Persistent Resistance Of Vision' which can be found here on the BBC Film Network.

Length: 02:37

Animated & directed by James Baker

Genre: Animation

Date: 2009
Rating: ★★☆☆☆

Logline: An animation which parodies the children's spinning disc toy where two images combine to make a third.

This is one of them films where you have to read the logline or premise first before any of it really makes sense. To me, that means it's either an art house film or the filmmaker hasn't done a good enough job in conveying the films meaning. In this particular case, I think it's the latter. 

While the film itself does pertain to it's stated objective, when looked at in respect to audience (after all, they're the ones for which films are usually made for) the end result is somewhat inadequate. First off, there is limited animation here. In fact it looks more like a series of stills edited together. What's more, is that it feels like the pace of the edits have been created to match the pre-selected tempo of a soundtrack. Usually, it's the other way round where music is composed to the finished image, but in this instance it looks like the filmmaker has done the vice-versa. Whether that was the case or not, who knows, but it certainly comes across that way. 

The abstract plot means that not a lot is happening here either. There's a bird in a cage and a cat, then for some reason a fly comes into play. Think Sylvester and Tweetie then minus any humour, action, dialogue, interesting visuals...and entertainment, and you'll be left with this. Overall, I found this unstimulating and badly contrived. I'm sure this film has it's place somewhere as it does have some artistic value to it. Maybe those experamentalists might like it???

Best Bit: The piano strings moment.  

Worst Bit: Relatively nothing happens. 

Final thought: Playing with an actual spinning image toy would be more entertaining than this. 

Read a condensed review of this film on Twitter here.

Death Wish ★★☆☆☆

Review of 'Death Wish' which can be found here on YouTube.

Length: 22:14

Written & directed by Dylan Cargill

Genre: Sci-Fi

Date: 2012

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

Logline: A WWII soldier discovers he cannot die and can time travel….then some other stuff happens…it’s all a bit confusing.

Don’t be fooled by the thumping blockbuster soundtrack and the cool HD still of outer space as it’s all downhill from there.

This is a bit of a mixture between Dr. Who and Star Wars where all the parts are done by kids. The acting by all is pretty terrible but we’re not talking showbiz performing arts child actors here. The resurrected protagonist Tom (played by filmmaker Dylan) and little Henrietta Cartwright (his sister probably, Abbie Cargill) do manage to stand above the rest in terms of performances. Having smirking actors during serious scenes is always off putting but actors blatantly reading their lines as they deliver them is even worse. The dips in poor sound recording as well as the indecipherable mutterings of the fellow in the balaclava and the gasmask wearing guys doesn’t really help any either.

Structurally, the opening sequence is more confusing than it should be. Rearranging scenes, even just, Meteor, Berlin, London would alleviate this messy introduction but then the mixture of historical events with futuristic gadgetry will probably flummox audiences even further. The sci-fi plot is pretty confusing and not very viewer friendly I’m afraid. Unfortunately Dom’s longwinded “universes” exposition is so visually and aurally unstimulating, it won’t make anything clearer. There are a couple of lengthy dialogue scenes but they all suffer from bad acting, limited camera shots and not enough cut aways.

In terms of production, the film is a bit shambolic. I doubt anyone who watches this will be remotely convinced that they’re watching a story set in the 30’s as set design is severely lacking. Camera work is shoddy (although I did like the skewed angles involved) and the external tracking shots should definitely have been scrapped as the shaky camera and camera crew reflection in the windows are not good (tho there is one quite good shot near the end). Recommend investing in a skateboard at least. The saving grace is the special effects and the soundtrack. Some FX’s are obvious CGI but are of a reasonably good standard and work well over the shot footage. The theatrical soundtrack does well to aid tension during the action scenes and is used in all the right places. Shame it’s all wasted on the oddball plot which is hard to follow.

This is one effort where all the major problems should have been evident during the script stage but somehow managed to get itself on screen.

 

Best Bit: Some of the SFX’s are really good.

Worst Bit: Where to start? Probably with the bad script I imagine.

Final thought: Then I realized this was made by kids and thought I'd been a bit harsh and that it wasn’t all that bad.

Read a condensed review of this film on Twitter here.

Behind Closed Doors ★★☆☆☆

Review of 'Behind Closed Doors' which can be found here on YouTube.

Length: 05:05

Written & directed by A Sa'real Vision

Genre: Music Video

Date: 2012

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

Logline: Two guys do very little with a soundtrack overlaid ontop.

If I could figure out how to shade in half a star, this would have gotten a two and a half rating. The half going towards the excellent music track on which the film is based. In this genre more than any other, the music is a key element but here the depth, layers and high quality production of the music isn't matched by the visuals in the slightest. The constant overlaying of the video sound (the drone of passing traffic) over the music is distracting and unnecessary plus give an amateur feel during the shots where no music track is playing due to the lack of proper microphone and the wind blowing into the one on the camera.

Camera work is shoddy on the external shots with poor shot composition and an over tendency not to use the focus. A tripod wouldn't have gone a miss either. Plot wise, the story follows two guys, Zushi and Syxx (who also make up the band), one a construction worker or something who stands about having a cigarette, the other is an angry drunk wandering around the streets. The two stories aren't equally divided and most of the screen time is taken up by Syxx staggering about but neither have a coherent storyline and they pretty much do bugger all which makes for poor viewing for the audience.

Intercut are the same two guys rapping the song while in a dull, lifeless and visually unstimulating blank flat. Rapping by the window, rapping on the stairs, you get the picture. Although the filming is better in these scenes, the overall combination makes for a non-sensical plot and uninteresting visuals.

I can see this as a reasonable attempt at a music video but where the video side of the production, along side the audio edit has let down the top music track. It's a shame because the music deserves a higher quality film to go with it so recommend these guys have another go.

Best Bit: Thumpin' music track by The Locksmiths.

Worst Bit: Terribly shot video.

Final thought: This has no point to it whatsoever.

Read a condensed review of this film on Twitter here.

Coffee & Beans ★★☆☆☆

Review of 'Coffee & Beans' which can be found here on YouTube.

Length: 02:58

Written & directed by Callum Scott-Dyson & Brian McNulty

Genre: Comedy

Date: 2012

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

Logline: A cheeky employee is caught out by his boss when his lack of ability is found out.

This is one of them Reed.co.uk film competition entries where they give a title or topic or something to follow (could have been 'The Boss' that year maybe) and could well be a contender for an 'it's so bad it's good' mention but the standard is fairly low. Normally I'd say that it doesn't matter how poor quality a production is as long as the story is top quality. Unfortunately, the plot here is about as equally bad as the picture standard. The lighting is particularly rotten, or lack of it, but although the spoken dialogue audio is a bit dodgy, the soundtrack and sound effects are a good edition.

There is a surrealist twang to the storyline which works in the films favour and shows some of the filmmakers creativity at least as the lack of proper gear has led to many inventive alternatives. Total shoestring budget like but an effort has kind of been made. There is acting with gusto although I doubt by a professional. Dialogue almost feels made up on the spot. Overall, it's a pretty rubbish film but there is comedy to be had by the sheer daftness of it all so while this ain't no competition winner, it still has a certain entertaining value to it.

Best Bit: The edit isn't too bad and it's cut together well.

Worst Bit: Bad lighting and poor production.

Final thought: Am still going to check out these two guy's Vimeo pages to see if there's anything worth talking about.

Read a condensed review of this film on Twitter here.

Night School ★★☆☆☆

Review of 'Night School' which can be found here or on the Shooting People Daily Motion page.

Length: 10:45

Written & directed by Ben Soper

Genre: Drama

Date: 2008

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

Logline: Two awkward teens break into a school at night in order to be intimate.

If you like slow and pointless, you'll love this one. This is technically produced to a high standard but is slightly lacking in plot content. Camera quality and lighting are superb, unfortunately it looks like more time has been spent on the actual lighting than on the script.

Structurally, of the lengthy ten minutes, the first five is a stretched out, slow setup and there's at least a minute and a half of just running. What was watching Will Anatsui having a piss adding to the narrative? Why does the burglar alarm suddenly activate when they've been in there for ages? And why the hell is the front door of the building unlocked?

There is at least the small semblance of character development and arc but as the plot comes full circle and the two teens are back snuggling out in the street, it's hardly a satisfactory plot line for audiences. Anatsui and Tess Mitchell are okay. They don't speak much, roam about and get naked. The drunk acting isn't so good, although watching this while drunk will probably help.

The sound design is also of high quality but it's been used sparingly. Ultimately, this looks like a glossy and polished filming exercise rather than an audience friendly film where it's hard to see what viewers will get from this.

Best Bit: The production standard.

Worst Bit: The story.

Final thought: Never mind him laughing at you with your clothes off, him no sharing his bottle of voddy is reason enough to dump the swine.

Read a condensed review of this film on Twitter here.

Still Life With Smoke And Mirrors ★★☆☆☆

Review of 'Still Life With Smoke And Mirrors' which can be found here or on the BBC Film Network.

Length: 03:40

Directed by Graham Young

Genre: Experimental

Date: 2009

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

Logline: A computer generated exploration with light, shadow and perspective.

This gets a low rating purely due to my still lack of understanding regarding experimental and art house films. Trust me, I've tried. Three solid hours of experimental short films at this years EIFF had me wanting to gouge my eyes out but it was interesting listening to the filmmakers talk and finding out about what the whole genre is. I tried to evaluate the films on a more emotional level and rated on originality and overall satisfaction. Experimenting with film is fair enough but I was still left wondering about the need to exhibit the end product and what exactly audiences get out of it.

The above film is a prime example. To me, it's slow, it's meaningless, and contains no enjoyment for me whatsoever. That's personal taste of course. Yes, there's craftsmanship in the production, construction and composition and there is a certain degree of achievement in just that. Make up your own minds, as usual.

Best Bit: Camera panning out?

Worst Bit: Dunno what this is about.

Final thought: Enlighten me!

Read a condensed review of this film on Twitter here.